The First Days of Middle School and College Get the Same Speeches

23 Aug

It may not seem like it, but it’s true. My first day to return to classes is tomorrow. Up until last night I felt fine about everything. For six months I have known this was coming, and never until last evening did I feel the amount of anxiety I have started feeling in these last 22 hours.

What if the other kids don’t like me? What if I can’t do this work? What if after giving it everything I have I still don’t make it to grad school?

So, maybe only the first one is the really similar concern between middle schoolers and second-time college students, but hey, it’s valid. I want to be liked by my peers. The age gap between us is not *so* substantial. Though the college tweeted today that Ferris Bueller could have been the dad of any of the freshmen. *sob*

If the work is beyond me, it’s going to make things even more difficult than they already are. I don’t have a job, and that weighs on me, but my main concern is making stellar grades so I can get accepted to a proper grad school. Science has never been my strong suit. Or, at least it hasn’t since high school. People are my strong suit. This is why I want to go into PT. There happens to be a lot of science between me and that DPT, though.

Grad school. Ha. So many thoughts come to mind. I start applying in a year. I have my list of schools, but I don’t know if in a year my resume will be exactly strong. I’ve got to have REALLY good grades between now and then. I’ve got to get to know my professors really well so I can get good letters of rec, and I think I might not have done so well in the first place on that one….

All of these concerns start quickly spiraling into something that resembles chaos.

This is the point where I eat an ice cream drum stick and CALM. DOWN. In the time that it takes me to eat my drum stick, I’m going to assess these worries.

Maybe the kids won’t like me. Yeah, maybe, but no one’s going to beat me up for my lunch money. I’m good with relating to different people, and respecting the time and circumstances they have come to in life. I have a measure of wisdom, that I don’t mind sharing, but for the most part I will leave people alone if they want to be left alone. I’m friendly, but I don’t want to be overeager, which is probably the cardinal sin of secular society these days. Or at least, when it comes to the Canon of Cool.

The main point is that I know who I am. I don’t have to worry about impressing people. I have enough faith (and enough memory from my previous college experience) to know that there WILL be people I will connect with. I won’t be alone the whole time. It’s going to be pretty much impossible to avoid people. Haha, that’ll be a post for another time (not).

So what if I can’t do the work? What if I’m no good? Well, during orientation one of the declarations made during our campus tour was exactly how far the student retention service center is willing to go to help students. Tutoring, for free, in any subject. I’ve already promised myself (and now I reiterate it to myself!) that day one, if I have problems in any courses, I am going to tutoring center. If I can’t learn from a professor, I’ll have another student break it down into baby-sized bites until I can digest it all. I will CRUSH MY COURSES.

And grad school? Well, there are a few hundred in the US alone. I’m sure that one of them will take me. I’ll be realistic about where I apply. If I apply to ten they won’t be (only) the very best top ten in the country. I’ll be flexible, be aware of my own limitations and their expectations. And if I have to take more courses, I’ll take more courses. The five year plan I have going is flexible. Whew…

Four courses, and fourteen credit hours start tomorrow:
Elementary Statistics
General Psychology
Anatomy and Physiology I (and lab)
General Chemistry I (and lab)

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