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Three Weeks In. Keep Stuffing Your Face

12 Sep

We’re all into the third full week of classes here at UNA, and my only regret thus far is that I haven’t written down every observation that has come to me. I keep having epiphany-like moments, and most of they time they are simple, yet profound thoughts (hello, redundancy) but also tend to occur in the middle of class.

Things that I have noticed so far? Maybe it’s shallow but I tend to notice the clothing of other students a lot. Things that were important to me in my first four years of college are not so important now. I notice a lot of other girls wearing these UA or Nike shorts that are trendy casual (, and some sartorialist somewhere is setting his pocket squares on fire in protest of such a category). I think four years ago, or five or six years ago I would have been worried about going out and having a pair of those shorts. As shallow and trite as that sounds, it’s honest. Now, I’m content with my 10-year-old soffes that I refuse to wear anyway except inside out. I never liked the fact that they had a logo on the rump, but the logo’ed version was cheaper than the regular ones. There you go.

I’m not so concerned with clothing or the I’m-cooler-than-you apathetic stares that happen even at a university of this magnitude (and by magnitude, I mean insignificance). As far as personal possessions go, I do find it extremely amusing that many third and fourth year male students seem to be wearing sunglasses that have these day-glo green and yellow legs/stems. This is amusing because I think they are doing it in the ironic way. I can’t wait to tell my mom, who has been wearing them wholly unironically for…. over a decade? My mom the trendsetter. Who knew?

Another money-related idea that waxes and wanes in my thoughts is pride in making my own lunch. In a BIG way, it’s helping me keep my expenses down. I’m making a lot of onigiri since the cost of materials is EXTREMELY cheap relative to yield. You can also make a lot in a short amount of time, they keep for a few days, they travel really well, and they are probably a 7/10 on the health scale. Maybe 6.5, depending on the filling picked. On the whole, I highly recommend them as a snack/lunch source. Actually, I could really go for one right now, and I’m glad that you can’t hear my stomach rumbling.

I still don’t have a job. Of any kind. And I haven’t begun to tackle my volunteer hours needed for grad school. Heidi, who you might remember worked at UI-Champaign until a few months ago, advised me to speak to the VP of student services, plead my case, and see if they might be able to help me directly. I do already have a four-year degree after all. It shouldn’t be that hard to hire someone PT on campus for… anything, really. I’m adaptable. And to the point of begging. Tears, if necessary. Get ready.

The fact that I don’t have a job at least means that my grades are solid. My first major exam was in maths and I got a 99. I feel that’s a triumphant smiting. The second major exam (my first for A&P) was today. I feel like it was a solid B. I’ll be happily surprised/satisfied with a low A, but I’m pretty sure right now that it was a high B. If I made a C, I’ll be very surprised and disappointed.

As of right now, I’m looking to drop my psychology course. I’m at 14 credit hours, and in the days of my bad-assery, I might have been able to work 14 or 15, but as it stands now, I’m going to be doing well to maintain a high GPA at 12. Dropping PY, however, means I need to pick up another one-hour course for the sake of maintaining full time status. Why does that matter, you might wonder? According to US Federal law, you do not qualify for student loans unless at FT status. So… Now I’m trying to work against the resistance I’m feeling from professors about picking up another hour course. Hopefully it’s not too late in the semester already for some of them. Hopefully. Please pray, friends.

Ironically, the main problem facing me right now is the same problem that faced me the first time around. For all of my life experience and the wisdom I’ve gained in the past four years, my main challenge is time-management. Can I get an amen? I pretty much detailed everything in the paragraph above as far as workload goes, but then there’s making sure that I get all of my HW done, labs preparation, quiz studying, not to mention just general studying to actually learn the material.

So, onward and upward, fellow students. Here’s to the end of the semester!

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Trials, Tribs, and Trig

18 Aug

READY for school to start. School. University. Potato, potahto?

I had a near melt down this morning when financial worries all started piling together. By the first day of classes, it will have been six months of waiting for…. something. The waiting place is not a happy place. Or rather, it doesn’t start out a happy place. It’s very easy to get bogged down in thinking about the way you feel things ought to be, or should be.

Some background, that maybe I have not posted before, is that I already have a B.A. I actually managed to find a job related to a degree most people think relegates one to working in a coffee house. The job was “well-paying,” though I think most people would have rather slept in a ditch than accepted it.

The problem in the job came down to cultural breakdowns. Cultural expectations on both sides that were not stated, and were therefore never met.

Short story, I left. After five months. Granted, I tried to leave after three weeks into the position when, after a snow storm, it took me three hours to get to work (as opposed to forty minutes), I had a car wreck on the way in, and my employers didn’t give a shit. It’s not an exaggeration to say that that attitude was par for the course.

So, before my irregular heart beat (that started at that job) could develop into full blown arrhythmia, I left. As soon as I found another job. Working in a coffee house. Oh, karma.

I have a boatload of residual guilt. Guilt that I’m not fulfilling my potential, or my BA’s potential. Guilt that I was making decent money and left. That I’m living with my parents when I should be standing on my own two feet by now. This is what our culture and society says, isn’t it?

The question I have now, the guilt-ridden question, is whether overcoming my guilt means buying in to an entitlement mentality, even in a small way. Is it truly justifiable to claim recession as part of the reason my financial status sucks? Without going into too much detail, that is.

Maybe my problem is just too much self-flagellation?

Weakness for Posterity

29 Jul

Sometimes in my weakest moments I want to lie down and forget about my problems for a while. Escapism? Maybe. Or maybe it’s taking a few structured minutes to recuperate and regroup.

purported whinging/
This morning is one of those times. Yesterday was the orientation for University of North Alabama transfer students. After scraping the bottom of the barrel for courses, some of which I don’t even need, I was feeling a little low. For work this morning I took the durango, which is a gas guzzling monster of ridiculous proportions. Seriously. 14.9 miles per gallon? Granted, that’s pulling a trailer full of lawn equipment, but I’m barely making money to pay for the gas. Barely. On top of freaking out about the 34mi DTE I had left in the durango with a forty mile round trip, I was nearly run off of the narrow road I was navigating and knocked over someone’s municipal garbage can. Thankfully empty. I finished the yard, only to find that my envelope of payment was nowhere in sight and in addition I had busted the guts out of a 200.00 weedeater that I just bought about a month ago.

Everything started falling apart. I realized that I never have any kind of discretionary spending- I can barely pay the bills I do have. Of the thirty or so places I have applied to since being here, NONE of them have hired (obviously) and the feeling at the moment is that I am just going to be stuck here forever.

This is when it gets really bad and the self-loathing becomes almost tangible. I have a brain. A really good brain. It learns extremely well. I also happen to be pretty empathetic and have some decent people skills to boot.

SO WHY IS THE WORLD DOING ITS DAMNEDEST TO HOLD ME DOWN?

That’s the question that is in my head. I feel like I just need a break. One break. Maybe with some proper class scheduling so I’m not getting thousands of dollars further into debt waiting to be an “actual” student so I can do scheduling properly. Maybe if I had a job I wouldn’t have to worry about dodging concrete trucks and breaking expensive equipment. /whinging

This perspective is simply the product of several bad hours and too little change of scenery. Things *will* be better tomorrow. I need to record moment’s like this so years from now when things have worked out and are smoother, I can laugh. Or at least not cry.